Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage | Bethel BaptistBethel Reformed Baptist Church

The Question of Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage

What does the Word of God command?

Pastor Chalan Hetherington

Marriage is a most solemn and sacred institution given by God to man before the fall of man. Godly marriage is one of the great bedrocks of morality and righteousness in a nation. Sadly, we live in a sinful world that increasingly seeks to redefine God's institution of marriage. The Word of God is the truth and the supreme authority in all matters. Therefore, the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage must be handled with the greatest of care. What does the Word of God have to say about Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage? Are the latter two permitted by God in His Word?

Marriage

Let us firstly consider the subject of Marriage. The Lord God of heaven and earth instituted marriage as a sacred and blessed union between one man and one woman. The Scriptures unequivocally teach that marriage is only between one man and one woman. Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” God declared in Genesis 2:18 that "it is not good that the man should be alone’, therefore the Lord provided Adam a wife and she was called Eve". As marriage was instituted before the fall it is therefore a good, and a most blessed and sacred union. It is the duty of Christians, meaning those who are born again by the Spirit of God, to marry ‘only in the Lord’ and not to marry otherwise. See 1 Corinthians 7:39 “she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord”.

If any one of two unbelieving spouses are converted later in their marriage by God’s Sovereign Grace and brought to repentance and saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, the husband and wife must remain married. See:- 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him”.

Polygamy

Polygamy or simultaneous marriages by one man or woman is never sanctioned by God in Scripture, and further it is to be noted from the Scriptures that polygamy has been the cause of many lifelong family problems in the lives of the patriarchs. One of the most obvious errors, is that polygamists hold an inconsistent standard n that only permit male spouses to have multiple spouses. Again, polygamy is never authorised, sanctioned nor taught in the Word of God.

The modern advocates of polygamy sometimes point to the various Laws given in the Old Testament Scripture where financial provision is mandated by God for those having more than one wife as legitimacy for polygamy. However, those Laws were by no means constituted to sanction polygamy. Rather they are Laws mandated to protect and provide materially for the needy women and children, of polygamous marriages who would be other wise neglected by polygamous and perverse men. God's laws in all of those instances set forth man’s solemn responsibility to care for and provide for his natural offspring. The Laws also demonstrate God's care for such unfairly and ill treated women, rather than approve of the husband's inordinate lust and sinful heart for another wife.

Incestuous marriages and relationships are clearly forbidden see [Leviticus 20:19-21. Mark 6:18 etc]

Divorce

Moses under the direction of the Holy Spirit of God, in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 declared God's Law and precept for the only grounds of legitimate divorce and stated remarriage to another.

The Lord Jesus Christ cites and references these very verses in the New Testament, to reiterate the Law.

It is also most helpful to observe at this juncture, a clear example of such a case and of suspected adultery in Matthew 1:18-20, where "a just man" was intending to "put his wife away" under the above prescribed Law of God in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. This was because of the pregnancy of His newly wed wife, and he not being the cause thereof, and there being no witnesses to testify of the act of adultery being committed. Were there, the death penalty would have ensued under law. This was the case of Joseph and "his wife" Mary. Whereby a virgin conception and birth of child had never been heard of nor repeated again in human history. Joseph being a just man was minded to put Mary his wife away, the angel of the Lord however, revealing shortly after to Joseph, that the Child conceived in Mary his wife, was wrought supernaturally by the Holy Spirit of God and not by adultery or extramarital relations.

Matthew 1:18 "Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. 19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily." Then the Angel said Vs 20 "fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost"

With these facts and a case in point, we consider the God given requirements and conditions needed to meet divorce and remarriage according to the Law of God.

Deuteronomy 24:1–4 “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. 2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife. 3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; 4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance"

1] Firstly we observe that the man and woman are stated to be ‘married’ to each other. The "one flesh" union covenant and solemn vow before God of Genesis 2:24 is thus in force. This law according to the Lord Jesus Christ carries forward into the New Testament and to the very end of time for all mankind on earth, see Matthew 19:4–5 "And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?"

2] Secondly in this particular instance, there is "discovered" fornication, adultery or uncleanness, on the part of one of the spouses, where there is a breaking of the "two shall be one flesh" solemn union covenant of marriage before God, Genesis 2:24. This violation being committed with a third person. However two or three witnesses are required (Deuteronomy 19:15) for the death penalty of the sin of adultery to be carried out against the adulterers, see Leviticus 20:10.

The law states that an adulterer or adulteress, may not be put to death without two or three witnesses, nevertheless in the case of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, as infidelity or uncleanness has been "discovered" by the one spouse, the marriage bed and the "one flesh union" covenant of Genesis 2:24 is thus broken. The innocent man or woman cannot be expected to reasonably live with the past or sustain further ongoing defilement, and polluting of the sacred marriage bed. Thus the marriage may be ended, as in the clear case of Joseph's just and holy intentions, before the angel of the Lord appeared to him. The case thus applies according to God's Holy Law, and is clearly reiterated in the New Testament by the Apostle Paul in Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" This marital law of God applies to bestiality Leviticus 18:23, whoredom and any perverse sexual defilement, see Leviticus 18:29.

3] Only in this case, may the man or woman divorce and remarry, as the "one flesh" Genesis 2:24 covenant has been broken. However once he or she has divorced his wife or husband for apparent and suspected adultery they may not remarry each other again, see Deuteronomy 24 vs 4. The Lord Jesus Christ cites this passage in Matthew Chapter 5, and Chapter 19, clearly reiterating the Law that a man would be guilty of adultery if he divorced his wife, and married another for any other reason other than adultery, but he may divorce and remarry if she has committed adultery. Men were divorcing their wives, and remarrying for all kinds of reasons other than adultery.

In the above Law of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 we see clearly the:

A. Protasis (describing conditions under which the law applies)

B. Apodosis (stating the legislation)

C. Motive (reason for the legislation)

All these three facts are set forth very clearly by the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, in Matthew 5:31-33, Matthew 19:6-9 and Mark 10:1-12, Luke 16:18, and all these passages must be read together and not in isolation to each other, and the more obscure passages giving deference to the more clear or less obscure verses.

For example Luke 16:18 and Romans 7:2-3, cannot form the entire teaching on marriage and divorce without the further teaching of the Lord Jesus Christ in Matthew 5:31-33, Matthew 19:6-9 as well as the Law of God in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. This follows the most basic of rules in understanding Scripture, Scripture must interpret Scripture by comparing Scripture with Scripture.

Matthew 5:31-33 “It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery”

Matthew 19:6-9 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery”.

Again the Law which the Lord Jesus Christ was referring to in Matthew Chapter 19:vs 6-9 and Matthew 5:31-33 is Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Further it is to be observed that God's Law for marriage does not change between the Old Testament and the New Testament, and nowhere in Scripture do we find an overturning of the Law on legitimate marriage, divorce and remarriage from Genesis 2:24 and Deuteronomy 24:1-4 into the New Testament. The Law does not change because God does not change. Malachi 3:6, Hebrews 13:8. The Lord Jesus stated this reality of the perpetuity of the Law emphatically in Matthew 5:17–18 "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. 18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled"

Again the Lord is completely consistent with this teaching in Matthew 5:32 "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery"

Some argue that the word the Lord Jesus Christ uses πορνεια Pornea translated “fornication” simply refers to ‘sexual infidelity before marriage’, but absolutely nowhere in the Scriptures are we given this definition, and that would undermine the entire premise of the clear marital status stated in Matthew 19:6-8, where He states "and marry another" referring to the fact that he was already married. This is not only a mistranslation of the word πορνεια but if applied to all men and women it would forbid anyone Christian or non-Christian from entering into any marriage who has committed any personal sexual sin or has had a physical relationship with another person before marriage.

The Greek Word “Pornea” translated “fornication” can be referenced in Strong's concordance 4203; TDNT 6:579; nf Transliterated: Porneia; Pronounced: por-ni’-ah Trans. & freq. in the AV— fornication 26 times; 26 occurrences of Greek word in AV.

Furthermore, it is stated by the Lord who was married to Israel, that He wrote Israel a 'Bill of Divorce' because of her “adultery”. See Jeremiah 3:8.

Jeremiah 3:8 “And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also”.

Judah was accused of fornication. Ezekiel 16: 26 “Thou hast also committed fornication with the Egyptians thy neighbours, great of flesh; and hast increased thy whoredoms, to provoke me to anger”

As to the meaning of Porneia (πορνεια) Porneia 'is a comprehensive word, including adultery, fornication and unnatural vice'. It includes every kind of 'unlawful sexual intercourse' and spiritual infidelity to the Lord.

Furthermore with reference to Matthew chapters 5 and 19, some suggest quite astonishingly that; what the Lord Jesus Christ was doing was, ‘improving’ upon the Law in the Old Testament. Some go so far and suggest that Moses had made a mistake in issuing the precept and Law for Divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and that the Lord Jesus Christ was disapproving of that Law and was now rescinding it.

Such reasoning and argument is not only fraught with error, but worst of all it is heretical. For if the Lord was correcting Deuteronomy 24:1-4 which permits divorce in the case of infidelity. He would be conceding that the Holy Scriptures are in error, which of course they are not. We could then justly question the validity and veracity of any part of the Word of God. The Scriptures however are ‘pure words as pure silver tried seven times’ Psalm 12:6.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 was given by God and is without error, it is the infallible, inerrant and sacred Word of Almighty God, and thus what Moses declared, was God’s Holy Law. Furthermore, if Moses were in error, the Lord surely would not have allowed centuries to pass before making a correction. At the time of the Lord Jesus Christ's earthly ministry there were two followings amongst the Jewish Rabbis on the subject. The smaller grouping was led by Rabbi Shamai, who was conservative, and he maintained the clear teaching of Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Then there was the broad liberal school of thought, led by Rabbi Hillel who taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason that was found to ‘displease him’.

In the case of both Matthew 5 and Matthew 19 it must be plainly understood that the Lord Jesus Christ was not for a moment rescinding or overthrowing the Law on divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. He explicitly told His hearers that he was not abolishing the Law, and that Moses gave the Law in Deuteronomy 24 ‘because of the hardness of men’s hearts’.

The meaning and context and the Lord’s explanation that follows is plain. Many of these so-called religious men like the Scribes and Pharisees, did not love their wives, and so they were content to divorce their wives for any reason, and so fulfil their own adulterous hearts by divorcing and marrying another and in many cases to much younger wives. Leaving the older abandoned women to defend and provide for themselves and their impoverished children.

The Law in Deuteronomy 24 protected the woman who would be open to public scorn and shame. However if divorced by the husband she was sent away honourably, and with a dowry and she was also free to remarry.

However if a guilty adulterer or adulteress had been caught in the act of adultery by two or three witnesses they would have been stoned to death [ Leviticus 20:10 ], but in this particular case Deuteronomy 24:1-4 the matter could not be proven and so the man or woman feeling that they are unable to continue in such a marriage which involves trust in an intimate physical relationship with an adulterer is then free to divorce. Moreover they are not permitted to marry the same person again, (see vs 4).

Without any doubt the Lord Jesus Christ does not counter what Moses Commanded by God, but rather He highlights the fact that the reason this Law was given was because of the ‘hardness of men's hearts’.

The Westminster Confession of Faith Chapter 24 Paragraph 5 helpfully and most wisely states:-

“Adultery or fornication committed after a contract, being detected before marriage, giveth just occasion to the innocent party to dissolve that contract. In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce: and, after the divorce, to marry another, as if the offending party were dead”.

What about separation, and then divorce?

According to the Word of God, in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 and Romans 7:2-3 separation is never valid grounds for divorce (unless adultery has been committed) and only then, is the innocent party free to remarry. Three verses are provided below.

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife."

Romans 7:2–3 "For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man"